jeanes warm belly.

cold feeling sheets

morning quiet. 

the sound of a fan.

collective consciousness.

the underneath cool feeling of pillows when you're falling asleep.

slept 5 hours. from 10 pm until 2am. ok. 4 then not five.

my head hasn't stopped hurting in days. my god. i wish it would.

If I were a boy I would wear a dress.

sticks and stones.

building a wall.

Jeane.

the cold backs of my arms.

i turned my head i closed my eyes. i felt my size.
i'm small. we're all.

constant memory.

There was a Jesus and Mary chain dance night and no one danced and that was the greatest thing I've ever witnessed. Restored my human beliefs in general. I saw a kid with Brett Anderson hair with Calvin symptomatic humility fall up a dark stair elevation. And his hair still look nice. I imagine this is what my funeral will look like except funnier jokes ( lots of em) and better drink options.( Please make that happen. )

light.

orion's belt.

theres a small pile of things. I put them in the second drawer sharing space with my socks. and thats why i havent worn socks for the past three days, because I don't want to see the toothbrush still in a package. It makes me feel sad.

it feels like i tried to swallow a rock and its just sitting there.

bad morning/ bad feelings list:

tightness of chest.
wind knocked out of me feeling.
fast talking.
make a call. checking in with outside.
scratch a mosquito bite. alot.
listen to lousy feelings songs.
make playlist.
scold myself for giving into not getting out of bed. wallow.
scratch jeane's head and tummy.
feels like a panic attack. but you know youre going to not die.
hand are slightly numb. feels like half asleep tingle.
darty eyes. feels like too much caffine.
trouble swallowing. feels like rocks in my throat.
bricks in the stomach.

this too shall pass away.

i dont want to be your friend anymore.