i say : thanks, man.

two more nights of dreams about v.t., my grandmother. that little tiny lady. that dead thing in the ground. it ok for me to make jokes. because its my thing and its my feelings that it will hurt. 

sometimes she is very upset. and it reminds me of when i saw a bird get stuck in the food court of the mall. and the bird was just flying around. and around.  with no where to go. and sometimes its just her. but im not really there. im just watching it all. maybe im dead. i cant intervene. the rest of my family is around and they interact. but me, im somewhere in the air. two nights in a row. i called my dad. he says to chill out.

i have distance in my horizon. and ants in my pants.

and a wall of sound, like phil spector. minus firearms.

i miss most missing things.

i will rip them out.

the bulbs in my eyes.... hurt. 

ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch.

I walked in the house and layed down on the kitchen floor, a bag of peas covered my head. i pulled down the edge of my sweater hanging midway on the back of the chair.  i  put the peas in the sleeve. mega mental freeze.

duuuude. my brains are faded thorough. what did that even mean? good lord. my head feels so outrageous. 

its a whisper

there's that part in that song, with the singing, it sounds just like that one part in that one song he sings. and i think that must be why i like it as much as i do. because i like his songs and i like him. and i would'nt mind being swept away by a wide tide.

my friends, they live much too far from me. i can't rest my head on their shoulders when it feels too heavy on the train in the day or when my neck hurts in that one spot because i fell asleep funny.

is that a ringtone or is someone playing cambodian pop?

...you're driving your mamas and papas insane

 got a long distance call, and even though i did not want to answer, i did on the first ring. tilted my head back, rolled my eyes further even .  keep it short, create a cavernous echo. make things even more awkward, elongating the spaces between words, i soar paramount in the expanse. 

don't you know...

splendid savage of slender means

epic long walks with jeane in the morning.

running errands with a friend on a saturday afternoon.

riding bikes to rooftop parties.

huddling around tiny grills because its still a little cold in early may. 

but you can see the entire city and you live there.

repotting plants on the kitchen table with a little dog sometimes stepping on your bare feet.

saying goodbye to situations that make you feel nervous and scared.

knowing you have a choice in the company you keep.

believing in true love.

quiet in my home. 

carrying oneself with a light foot and light heart.

doing easy.

awareness of the body and where it moves, its size, and its boundaries.

careful vs. careless.

today was summer. adventuretime.

i rode my bicycle. its a green one with a perfect basket. the wheel started to make a sound and i smacked it away. i rode and rode, standing up. i loved it.

the air pulled my hair from my face. i loved it. truly. so much. 

my friend was born today. and we floated in a tank more like a box with air. 80,000 pounds *more or less* of salt water lifted my body. and my ears a crackling still when i yawn. 

shame on you.