its a whisper

there's that part in that song, with the singing, it sounds just like that one part in that one song he sings. and i think that must be why i like it as much as i do. because i like his songs and i like him. and i would'nt mind being swept away by a wide tide.

my friends, they live much too far from me. i can't rest my head on their shoulders when it feels too heavy on the train in the day or when my neck hurts in that one spot because i fell asleep funny.

is that a ringtone or is someone playing cambodian pop?

...you're driving your mamas and papas insane

 got a long distance call, and even though i did not want to answer, i did on the first ring. tilted my head back, rolled my eyes further even .  keep it short, create a cavernous echo. make things even more awkward, elongating the spaces between words, i soar paramount in the expanse. 

don't you know...

splendid savage of slender means

epic long walks with jeane in the morning.

running errands with a friend on a saturday afternoon.

riding bikes to rooftop parties.

huddling around tiny grills because its still a little cold in early may. 

but you can see the entire city and you live there.

repotting plants on the kitchen table with a little dog sometimes stepping on your bare feet.

saying goodbye to situations that make you feel nervous and scared.

knowing you have a choice in the company you keep.

believing in true love.

quiet in my home. 

carrying oneself with a light foot and light heart.

doing easy.

awareness of the body and where it moves, its size, and its boundaries.

careful vs. careless.

today was summer. adventuretime.

i rode my bicycle. its a green one with a perfect basket. the wheel started to make a sound and i smacked it away. i rode and rode, standing up. i loved it.

the air pulled my hair from my face. i loved it. truly. so much. 

my friend was born today. and we floated in a tank more like a box with air. 80,000 pounds *more or less* of salt water lifted my body. and my ears a crackling still when i yawn. 

shame on you.

Ihre Kuchen und essen sie auch

at the pharmacy, david bowie was playing on the store system.

I didnt even realize that my lips were moving. I can count on the handclaps.

a very long time ago..

my father and i, we listen to it from a record in my granny's basement. i pretend i am amelia earhart. a pilot, i read a book about her.
i really like her still.
and i still really like the song.

i got really embarrassed yesterday. and i haven't felt quite right since.

Human Headed Blengins of Calverine Island Catherine Isles. Males. Venomous. Only the Angels of Heaven can Combat These Creatures

it feels like summer camp in my room. 

i swear there are crickets chirping.

its makes my heart race.

sunday.

with jeane by my side, i plan to make stops to the following establishments, rain or shine:

. antiques shop.

. french bookshop.

. magazine shop.

. secondhand store.

. fruit stand.

. art supply store.

when i think of you...

and then it all felt much different

and not in a bad way, at all. 

it just feels different. 

oh man, wonder if you'll ever know

these are bits of letters i am writing you in my head. you, meaning a general all encompassing you, not as in you specifically.

i know things.

i feel taller than those million year old trees, i soar and breeze about. i am more than a wand that brings rabbits from felt toppers and saws through women in sequins. My heart is wider than that crater in middle of the desert.

this voice can be loud, but when its quiet, it will shake the ground and echo chiseling, carving the deepest caves. hollowing out. adhering into homemade lakes.

i will tell you the things in whispers that you might not want to hear. its not to hurt you or tear you down. i will always tell you the truth. i will stare your sockets down.



sometimes a tornado will funnel with the blink of two eyes.

through the graves the wind is blowing

there is this landing when you climb the second set of stairs out of the train station. no one usually takes the stairs, they like the moving stairs. i take the stairs always. sometimes, ok ..one time, i saw a couple locked at the lip.
today there was urine.

our mother the mountain

i feel very much on the verge. teetering. not sure how to land. but i am confident. i am brave. i brace myself knowing there are dozens and hundreds of hands outstretched to catch me if i chose in haste.

i am lucky. i count the stars even when i cannot see them.

i am in love today and not like that.

i am also dreadful today, sort of more like that.

........

when my brains can't focus on what my hands are doing and my eyes cant keep up with either, i take myself out. jeane and i spent the after moving in circles. i weeded through the basements bins and bought by the pound.

found an amazing silver skirt that makes me feel like david bowie. it keeps popping into my head, i was reminded by my father the other day, that when i was a little person I thought David Bowie was the most beautiful woman. to me she looked like Laurie Anderson in 1986. i particularly remember 1986.
when youre a little kid, there is no era or past presenting itself. there are little corrections to be made. old timey might as well be now timey.

........

i am lucky. i have an eleven , and three seven's comprising the numbers in the day i was born. a woman at the grocery store mentioned it to. i smiled and nodded. she nodded back.

.........

i found beautiful shoes made in 1968, still in the box. theyre beautiful and fit my feet perfectly. i am wearing them today.

blood and gore.

sat next to an older fella (senior citizen) on the train ride home. he was reading a german paperback. i read with him, i bet  it looked like i was staring at the floor.

my favorite spot on the train is where i can see through the front window and watch the walls go by, hit by the lights. there is a slight draft.

i like it. 

i am feeling funny in life today.

you were a very nice home.

it rained a bunch today. it reminded me of that falling apart back patio house at 12th and pine. walking to get our favorite breakfast at the end of the block and across the street. i sit down, you fill up the cups. they play the pogues too early and drink too fast. i arrange the bulletin board. it makes me feel useful. One PM, ill walk to Bauhaus for coffee. I like sitting outside. everyone i know will walk by at some point. i make some jokes. everyone laughs. zac and i talk about some stuff. its nice. i fall in love with 10 dogs that walk by. my favorite is named speck, he is a motorcylist, the dude of the dog world.

its not so much you that i miss as much as i miss the routine. and the phantom mountain.

it was my home.
you were a nice home.

awesome summer.

tigermilk.

heart caves

arthur lee

arthur russell

that beat happening box set

two headed boy

smokey robinson
mr. scott walker

tabula rasa

jackson 5

alice coltrane

light green leaves
marianne f.

every ethiopiques volume from the sp library
our man, leonard c. on the edge of a bed.

frankie lymon

the shangri las

dancing in wooden shoes in the kitchen. dancing on walls. we had a good time.

I had a job at the film fest, paid under the table. pretty much, i just ate blueberries for free and that man who was the fly tried to teach me how to make a martini. everyday. i never learned. no really, it was that dude from the fly.

i had like, 7 bikes. what the heck happened to all those bikes?

tiny little love.

jeane has a heart murmur. on a scale of 6, jeanes lumps and bumps in her thumps...it equals three.  my sweet tiny dogfaced monkey werewolf friend with a heartmurmur? pheh.

if it were me, ok. shallow heart beat. none at times, really. no really. 

ok thats not true. (zombies, ack!) they say i've got the coldest extremities known to man south of the colorful houses and the bering sea. I am part polar bear, semi glacial, and a nibble of spinach and carrots...sleeps like a sprout in a bunny's home. 

or the sear's tower.