weak stomach, iron heart.

i finally went to the doc today and he said that i have this ulcer thats making me sick. and thats why im tired but can't close up my head and call it a night. Last night I stayed up until 3. mainly flipping about, mapping out junk yards in my head. thinking up projects.



the dogs are going cuckoo in the other room, and im losing my lunch.

ive been thinking about pilgrims again. giving it up. making it count. pilgrimming. everyday the value of my collections, my tangibles, my needs lessen. what i mean is this...2 weeks ago my little yellow clutch bag got stolen out of my bag. it had my yellow ipod in it and my favorite green wallet, my favorite coin collector and some other crap....at the time i felt sad, but after an hour of being bummed i was fine. you win some you lose some. it serves me right for putting value on the truly invaluable. so what, those things are gone just as easy as they came. then last night, my phone slid into a melted ice mound and was ruined i liked that phone. it was fancy and pretty but im fine with this brick today. gone, as easy at it came.

all things gone. all things gone. didnt need it anyway!

i really like the way lou reed sings this one song with the v.u. he sounds like it doesnt matter, but you know it does. its just sweet. and calm. but there is a sense of trying. he is trying
i do believe, if you don't like things you leave, for someplace you've never been before.
i like it.


theres this other song i like more though.
i keep these things close.
a beginning. a middle. and end. I skip to the end. just beyond the end. focus. focus.
i read the last pages of a book and pieced the rest together.